Drink with a Bite

With the group we made a few stops before returning to town where we would take a bus back to Shanghai. One stop was to a traditional medicine shop where a Chinese woman gave a rehearsed speech while holding up a cage holding some sort of horned viper. Now I only tell this story as a cautionary tale to help others when faced with the prospect of drinking snake venom.

After talking for a few minutes (apparently extolling the wonders of the venom) the woman poured a clear liquid from a glass jar into a cup. A weathered looking man walked in, plucked the snake out of the wooden cage, and milked its venom into the glass with the flair of a janitor sweeping a middle school cafeteria. He then walked out with as much showmanship as he entered and the woman held the glass up, showing us the tendrils of venom swirling in the liquid.

She diluted the venom further, then produced a platter of small shiny cups. She circled the room pouring glasses. Now I know the time honored advice often shared to travelers that you should never accept strange venom-filled drinks from Chinese women that you have not been formally introduced to but hindsight is 20/20. Please consider the following in my defense. Firstly I was aware that snake venom is merely a collection of proteins that are less than curative when injected into your bloodstream. All of these proteins would rapidly be denatured in my acidic stomach, so I had no fear of poisoning. And secondly our Chinese friend challenged me to drink some from across the room. I couldn't understand what he said, but I could read it in his taunting eyes.

I knew that if I thought about it that I very well might lose heart and fake a seizure or heart attack. I also knew that If I smelled it first I might start dry heaving, and that I would have to do it in one shot. So I turned off the major logic centers of my brain (easier for me than for most), cheered Katie, cheered the Chinese man across the room, and drank the drink in one quaff.

Wow, snake venom burns I thought as the liquid lumped down my throat. Katie had the presence of mind to sniff first and realized that the clear liquid the snake had been milked into was some high proof water. To those who do not know me as well this was indeed my first real taste of alcohol other than some rum candies I accidentally ate while I was serving as a missionary and possibly an alleged incident on the streets of New Orleans during Mardis Gras in 1997. Call me crazy, but that night my left arm went numb and I had an overwhelming desire to sing karaoke. I'll have to take the venom straight next time to determine if it was the alcohol or the coagulants.